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China Tour Blog #5: Is The Best Way To Get Teenagers To Behave Well To Punish Them?
7/9/2007 4:35 PMHalf way through the tour to China, one of the parents wrote an email to the chief chaperone, Glenn Kanner, to alert him that her daughter had reported that there was drinking going on amongst the high school students on the tour:
"I want to be sure that you and the tour management, including Ben, are aware of and, more importantly, actively managing this unacceptable situation. I reread Ben's pre-tour letter and saw that there were clear consequences of illegal drug use, but did not find similar consequences for alcohol use. On the YS tour two years ago, a boy was sent home for alcohol use."
This touches on a very important aspect of our Tour of Possibility. Every American group that goes abroad these days has to deal with the issue of alcohol consumption. In fact, I am told that many groups have given up international touring altogether, precisely because they haven't been able to solve this perennial problem. It has been a stumbling block for us in the past, and I really wanted to wrestle this one to the ground this time. But how to do it, especially since we were going to a country where there is no age limit for drinking?
The first incident that I heard about happened on the long train journey, which I missed because of my accident. Several of the college kids (who are permitted to drink, provided no high school students are present) and a few of the high school students got into a warm-hearted engagement with some Chinese people, which included some hearty imbibing all around. The result was that some of the high school kids got inebriated and one of them forgot to take a suitcase, that had been entrusted to his care, off the train and it ended up somewhere in Inner Mongolia, causing considerable inconvenience for one of our dedicated chaperones.
It is always especially complicated when college and high school students, go on a trip together, because different rules are likely to apply to each group. However, the problem had to addressed. I knew that the place to begin was with the college students, so I announced that I wanted to have a meeting the following day. All 16 attended.
I began by explaining the structure of the YPO organization. The group is led by Mark Churchill, Dean of the Extension School and Head of the Preparatory School, of which YPO is a part. He is assisted by Elisabeth Christiansen, Tour Manager and Director of the Preparatory School. Mark reports to the President of NEC and is therefore ultimately responsible for all safety, legal and fiscal issues. Elisabeth is responsible for all logistics.
There were 6 Chaperones, who paid for the privilege of going on the trip. All are parents of children on the tour and each is given the job of looking out for a group of the students, both as regards safety and punctuality. They are not "in loco parentis" and have no authority to deal with discipline. All they are asked to do is to report when there is a problem. The group of chaperones we had with us on this tour was, in every case, well-suited for the job.
In addition, there were several adults, each with an important role, but none of whom had a disciplinary function. Jonathan Cohler, the Assistant Conductor and a universally admired and respected musical coach. Dr Lee, the benign and much loved medical doctor; Cathy Chen, translator and liaison-extraordinaire between YPO and the Chinese; Chris Lees my hard-working, supremely personable assistant. All of them fulfilled their jobs in an exemplary and effective manner.
At the center of the whole operation are, of course, the magnificent students of the Youth Philharmonic, ranging in age from 13 to 18 and either in high school (or equivalent) or just graduated. They are distinguished by a high level of instrumental ability and a great sense of responsibility and personal integrity. It is a privilege to know every single one of them and all are undoubtedly destined for successful and effective adult lives.
On this particular trip, there were, in addition, the 16 college students whom I was addressing, who were needed for the orchestra to fill gaps in the orchestra. These included 5 horn players, (we only have 2 high school students, and we required 7 for Mahler 1st); 2 trumpets, 2 trombones, I tuba, I percussion, I bassoon, and 3 double basses. With these added reinforcements we were able to perform some of the greatest works in the repertoire and maintain the extraordinarily high standard that caused such amazement, bordering on disbelief, everywhere we went on the tour of China.
This structure - though it is ideally suited to produce outstanding musical results -has no built-in system designed to control behavior, since none of the people mentioned are actually responsible for discipline or able to deal with bad behavior. In other words there is no effective "police force" in this idealized traveling society.
Before we left on the tour, I had gathered everyone together in Brown Hall to establish the modus operandi for the trip (the essential points are contained in my blog #1 "A Tour of Possibility" to which the worried parent referred). In that speech I established clearly in everyone's mind the distinction between the two worlds of Downward Spiral and Possibility and stated that, though we could go to China in either mode, I had decided that this was going to be a Tour of Possibility.
This meant that if someone behaved badly we would not, however tempting it was, resort to the usual Downward Spiral measures of punishment, such as grounding, or sending the offender home. (The one exception was for the use of illegal drugs, but there has never been an incidence of that on a YPO tour). So, instead of punishing people we had to enroll them in constructive behavior.
THAT IS WHERE I COME INTO THE PICTURE. Over the months, indeed the years of my leadership of the orchestra, I have been able to build a level of respect amongst the students that is recognized throughout the organization. It was that reservoir of respect that I called on in my meeting with the 16 college students.
I told them that musically they were doing wonderfully well. I also told them that I was impressed, and, in some cases, quite moved by the way they were supporting their younger colleagues in their musical development. However, in their role in supporting the venture as a whole there was room for improvement. I spoke to them as responsible adults with future professional lives. I urged them to think of themselves as role models for their younger colleagues, not only musically, but also in the way they acted in the world. I encouraged them to be constantly conscious of the whole. I explained what Roz calls the "graduate" practice of "Being the Board" from the Art of Possibility - the practice of taking 100% responsibility for everything that happens. I read out a letter that one of the college students, Brynn Rector had written me after the meeting in Boston:
"After your conversation with the orchestra today, I realized that many of the inspirational words and thoughts that I had taken and learned through, not only your book, but your actions as well, have gone out of my life. The daily grind and habitual way of school gets me down sometimes. Luckily, and thanks to you, I feel completely revived and ready for this adventure upon which we are about to embark.
I feel it would be helpful for the "possibility cause" if during the hardest times on tour there were a group of us, who helped to spread positive energy, that is a conscious decision on everyone's part, but sometimes hard to achieve. We could be your Ambassadors of Possibility" and no one would even have to know about us. It would be like the positive energy - it's just there. It might also help if the orchestra members heard it from their peers closer to their own age...."
People were clearly very struck by Brynn's appeal and seemed eager to accept my invitation to join "the possibility team" for the tour - I told them about Schumann's Society of the Davidsbuendler, who set out to fight the Philistines. The Philistines ask "What can I get away with?" "What can I get for myself?" The Davidsbuendler ask "What can I say or do that will enhance this situation for everyone?" They always ask the question: "What is Best for All of Us?"
What I did, in other words, was to enroll them in Possibility. I now had a group of older students fully committed to supporting the tour as a whole and to look out for the younger ones. There was no doubt in my mind that by the end of the conversation all of them were enrolled.
Did it work out perfectly? Well, no. The following night several people were out after curfew and not in their rooms. So more work had to be done - we had obviously left some confusion about curfew in their minds.
I gathered the whole orchestra together for a meeting after lunch the next day. I began by congratulating them on their wonderful performances and passed on some of the compliments they had been receiving in the press and from members of the audience. I praised them for the wonderful way they were dealing with the Chinese audiences.
I then apologized that we had not been clear about the system of the curfew and spelled it out very clearly: curfew was to be at 1 a.m. that night. They had five minutes leeway, but if anyone was not in their room by five past one, with only the person they were supposed to be rooming with, I was going to be upset.
I was now sure that the ground rules were fully understood. I also added that if they would all join me in making this Tour of Possibility work in every way, I would personally invite the whole orchestra for a beautiful dinner cruise on a boat on the river in Shanghai after the final concert (approximate cost $4,000).
After that meeting there was a sudden improvement in curfew and alcohol misuse. I wish it had instantaneously eradicated the problem altogether, but life is complex and there were still a very few students who ignored the agreement for a variety of reasons. These are not "bad kids" (if such a thing exists), but rather people who were drawn by something more powerful than the Possibility Conversation, which we had put in place as the guiding principle of the tour. I had to "up the ante".
The following night I stayed with Glen, the chief chaperone, in the foyer of the hotel until 3.45 a.m. until all the students were back in the hotel. There were four students out and they were visibly shocked when they saw me standing there, when they came in. I did not withhold my anger. The three girls involved were all in tears and all apologized profusely to me, promising not to infringe the rules again. After that there were no incidences of curfew breaking by high school students.
Here is a letter from one of the four, an Asian girl, which I received the following morning (it is slightly edited for English usage).
Dear Mr. Zander,
I thank you for staying up and caring for the ones who came in late. I wish I had stuck to the new system instead of breaking it with many disappointments.
I was out of hand (and my mind) when I found out the dance club - I've never been to such an amazing one. When I was leaving the club, however, I saw something that I've never seen, which was a drunk guy going against a girl's will and demanded to get in a cab with him with force. I was frightened and was in a way relieved to even see you at the front door. It was a sign to stop doing these kind of things and breaking rules (this was my first time breaking the rule and I was thankfully caught by you).
I am so sorry to disappoint you in such a way.
I truly am sorry. I never in one million years would want to disappoint you guys in such a way. I hope you could forgive me."
Is this someone to punish or send home? I think not.
The key phrase in her note, is "I was out of hand (and my mind) when I found out the dance club - I've never been to such an amazing one."
Clearly at that moment the excitement of the experience of being in that Night Club was stronger than her commitment to YPO; her memory of the rules or her
devotion to me, or anyone else.
The secret is not to get angry with her and PUNISH her, but rather to reinforce something that could COMPETE with the draw of that night-club. How about Tchaikovsky 6th or Mahler 1st or being part of a great organization like YPO; or the realization of the profound effect we were having on literally thousands of Chinese, and perhaps on the whole development of classical music in China? That should do it! My presence on the porch of the hotel when she came in at 3.45 a.m. was precisely what was needed to jolt her into the realization. It was far more effective that any punishment or dressing down could be. I was the one person who represented all the values of YPO and I cared enough about kids keeping to the rules to stay up half the night - NOT to catch her, or punish her, but to remind her of the true path - the vision - to bring the SONG OF POSSIBILITY to China.
The fact that she had been shocked to her core by witnessing the random violence of a near-rape scene only reinforced the difference between the charmed, passionate engaged, loving, contributory world of the Youth Philharmonic and the world she had been momentarily excited by. It took no more than a flash to "win" her back on track. It was the end of the problem for her, but it was also the end of the problem for all four of the kids. No one reported any further infringement of the rules after that night.
I made one tactical error at the final party on the boat in Shanghai. I allowed them to serve beer to college kids, but of course that was foolish, since the waiters had no idea who was of college age and who was not. Not surprisingly, several high school kids took advantage of the confusion and beer flowed freer than I would have liked. But, you know what? It was the last night; they had finished a spectacular tour, they had played in one of the most beautiful concert halls of the world - a hall in which the Berlin Philharmonic had recently played -and caused a standing ovation! It was after midnight, we were out on a pleasure boat, under the stars of Shanghai with all their musical friends for the last time.
I didn't feel that badly about it. I hope it didn't spoil it for anyone else.
Next time I will remember to tell the caterer to leave out the beer altogether!
But we had faced and solved a serious problem without having to resort to any form of punishment and without having to send anyone home . In fact without even having to give one of those awful lectures about good behavior, which teenagers really hate. We were able to do it because we know that all the kids love YPO. They value the experience of the tour; they do not want to do any harm to the orchestra and they recognize the enormous demands put on them as musicians by the great repertoire and the important venues in which they were playing. They sense the high regard in which we hold them and are grateful that we have offered them a different model in which to live their lives than the traditional one of fault, blame, and threat.
By the end all the college students had embraced the idea that they are responsible for the well-being of their younger colleagues and that they were on the tour as role models. The chaperones were grateful that their task became easier and that infringements were virtually non-existent after the incident in the foyer. Perhaps most important of all, the YPO members were totally clear about the purpose of the trip and were undistracted from the main task to "BRING THE SONG OF POSSIBILITY" to China and enjoy to the full the unique experience that this trip afforded them. The fact that when 69 were held back in China after the tour because they missed the plane connection, the same mood of good will, generosity and caring, that had characterized the whole tour, prevailed.
For myself, I enjoyed this tour more than any other YPO had done. Not because it was easier or more musically satisfying, but because it was so clearly led by possibility. The atmosphere and the attitude of all involved remained delightful throughout; the performances were extraordinary; the audience response, timid at first, but gradually more and more enthusiastic. And all of this - 120 people traveling the length and breadth of China for 17 days, achieved in a mood of open heartedness and joy. I promised a Tour of Possibility and that is what we had.
Ben Zander |
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