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China Tour Blog #1: A TOUR OF POSSIBILITY
7/10/2007 5:49 PMA TOUR OF POSSIBILITY
Imagine two worlds that are completely different in nature: the downward spiral and the world of Possibility.
The Downward Spiral is the world we ordinarily inhabit. It contains all our fears, anxieties, successes and failures, expectations and disappointments We are driven to measure and compare everything. It is where we experience belonging and not belonging; winning and not winning; success and failure. Everything good implies its opposite, everything bad conjures hope for change. It's a world of hierarchy where we compete and struggle to maintain our position in relation to others. In a word, it is the world of SURVIVAL.
The World of Possibility prompts us to remain open because we recognize that it is all invented and so we can create a setting for anything that we say is missing in our lives. In other words, we TELL A DIFFERENT STORY. Instead of meeting events with anxiety, defensiveness or resistance, we remain joyful, open-hearted, at ease and in a state of contribution.
We could go to China in either mode. We could go believing that things there are a certain way - that Human Rights are violated, the accommodations will be inadequate etc etc. However, we have decided that it is going to be a tour of Possibility. That means we are open to finding partners, communities, miracles, because in Possibility, just by searching for them we will find them.
In the survival mode a long bus ride or a delayed flight is likely to be an irritation, a reason to complain. It's a foregone conclusion. In the world of Possibility nothing is either good or bad, it is our story that makes it so.
Possibility is an ART. It doesn't come naturally. Downward Spiral DOES come naturally. You don't have to work at the downward spiral. It will happen automatically whenever things aren't going exactly the way you want. We DO have to develop the discipline of Possibility. It takes practice, lots of practice, just like learning to play an instrument, which is why we call it THE ART of Possibility.
It is my intention, as the leader of the tour, to keep practicing the Art of Possibility throughout the tour. I look to all of you to help me keep possibility alive.
Here are some of the main Practices of Possibility:
IT'S ALL INVENTED
Story: The two salesmen are sent to Africa to see if there is any chance of selling shoes.
One telegraphs back: SITUATION HOPELESS STOP THEY DON'T WEAR SHOES
The other wires: "GREAT OPPORTUNITY STOP THEY DON'T HAVE ANY SHOES
The circumstances are the same for both men, what is "invented" is their response. So, the practice is to look at our own assumptions when we do not like what is happening and ask ourselves: "What assumption am I making here? Then ask yourself: "what else might be going on?"
The exciting thing is that our bodies (and especially our eyes) will reflect which mode we are in. The questioning of assumptions is a practice of possibility that lights up our eyes.
For me, an assumption I am making is that Chinese people are crassly commercial and only care about material things. There is lots of evidence for this, hence our assumptions. So I will be looking for signs of awareness of the great Chinese tradition of wisdom, art and philosophy, which lie buried in the DNA of every Chinese person. I must remember, it is all invented.
GIVING AN A
Giving an A to someone is to speak to them as though they are willing and able to hear what you have to say. Talking to the part of the other person that is fully functioning, fully human. The A is not a standard to live up to, but a possibility to live into.
What grade are the Arabs giving the Israeli's and what grade are the Israeli's giving the Arabs. And how are they doing?
We can give each of the 120 people on the tour an A and also everyone we meet along the way. If we do we will talk quite differently to them. Think of how you feel in the classes in which YOU get an A. Have you noticed that teachers talk differently to students to whom they give an A than to the ones to whom they give a C minus?
For me one of the difficulties of going to China is the repressive, communist society; the regimentation, the history of human right's abuse, the increasing destruction of the environment. "They deserve the C minus that they are getting in the world."
Several of my friends have told me that they disapprove of our decision to go to China, given their record in civil rights, especially with the people of Tibet and the way they are polluting the environment and competing with our workers etc etc
But I can imagine just as easily that the Chinese are loving, family-orientated, gentle, subtle, loyal people, who want to do the best for their society and also want to have graceful relationships with the rest of the world. And when I do, that part of them seems to appear. That is how it works.
BEING A CONTRIBUTION
Most people focus on trying to be successful. Getting into a good college, getting a good job, getting a raise etc. Ultimately, success will be manifested in wealth, fame or power and failure is the lack thereof.
Being a contribution is a totally different game (remember it is all invented, so life is really like a game - you chose the game and then you get to invent the rules for the particular game you are playing). In the game "BEING A CONTRIBUTION" you define yourself as a gift or contribution, to others and they to you. So when you meet a new person instead of thinking "I wonder if they will like me" or "I hope I am good enough to impress them", you think what a joy it is to meet this person, "because I can't wait to give them what I have to offer and I can't wait to experience who they are". That is what this tour is really about. It is not about impressing the Chinese or competing with them, it is about sharing our different experiences and accomplishments and being a contribution.
I don't have much difficulty in this arena, because I have long since given up the game of success/failure and taken up the game of Contribution full time. That is the real reason I conduct YPO and go on tours to foreign countries. I cannot wait to be a contribution in China and be contributed to. I also am looking forward to have an opportunity to contribute to the YPO community and be contributed to by all of you.
NB Success and Failure are like the back and the front of a hand, and, of course, you cannot separate the front of a hand from the back. Success and Failure always go together.
The nice thing about contribution is that it doesn't have a back of the hand, except being contributed to, which is just as nice as being a contribution.
RULE #6
Don't take yourself so Goddam Seriously: Suspending your pride, your fiercely-help opinions, the "shoulds and "musts" in your life, to MAKE YOUR WHOLE SELF AVAILABLE.
This is a life-long practice. The trip to China is a wonderful opportunity for all of us to practice this one.
The conductor's version of Rule #6 is "Don't take YOURSELF so goddam seriously, TAKE ME Goddam seriously." Herbert von Karajan jumped into his limousine and shouted at the driver: "Quick, drive, go, go, go, drive, quick." "Very good sir, where to?" "Doesn't matter", snapped Karajan, "they need me everywhere!" My daughter's version of Rule #6 is "Dad get over yourself." I will try to remember to get over myself on the trip. You all have permission to remind me if I forget. One cannot be a good coach unless one is coachable.
It is good to surround oneself with coaches. Hence the White Sheets!
ENROLLMENT
This is the art of lighting a spark of possibility such that others generate the possibility for themselves.
This is the main reason I love to go on tours with YPO. We get to enroll others in our way of seeing things and it often has a profound effect on their lives. I hear about it for years after. The stories of the effect we have had on others are legion and never cease to amaze and delight me. I know that the effect of our tour will be felt by the Chinese people and by us all for a long time to come.
For me the downward spirals are: the country is too big, too many people, the sense that comes over me sometimes that we will never be able to make a difference. Is it worth all the effort?
Then I remember the story of the girl with the star-fish and I smile and go on dancing along the beach. Please join me!
Also, with more people to interact with, we have a greater chance to make a difference. More bang for the buck! Aha! Shining eyes!
Remember that if people don't do what we want them to do, instead of blaming them, find fault or threatening them, we can always apologize, because we didn't enroll them.
NB The story where Roz taught me to apologize to the kids at Walnut Hill who didn't go to the concert, because I hadn't enrolled them.
DISTINGUISH THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL: Listen for evidence of survival thinking - opinions, comparisons, identities, warnings, predictions, shoulds and oughts.
As soon as you notice the downward spiral, you have stepped into the world of Possibility. The next step is to find a way of speaking that transforms the experience for others.
SPEAKING IN POSSIBILITY: Preceding what you have to say with a silent "I have a dream...." will take you into possibility. Speaking in "What if's....", "Imagine that's...." "What would I like to see happen is".... Speaking in possibility is to tell a story that empowers all. What a glorious way of being on a trip across to the other side of the world with 120 people plus 1.3 billion others.
CREATING A VISION
Creating a Possibility for our work or our life that leaves no one out - that anyone could become enrolled in.
You came up with a lot of reasons for us to be going to China - i.e. You spoke the vision for the trip:
To share what we have
To learn from them and each other
To give our music to others
To represent our country
To experience other countries and people
to experience their food
To have an adventure
To understand now people and cultures
To step outside our comfort zone
To get to know each other
To get a better understanding of what an orchestra can be
Making a difference to people in China
Learning to give great concerts.
That, of course, is too unwieldy, so perhaps we could come up with a single phrase that encapsulates it all? My suggestion is BRINGING THE SONG OF POSSIBILITY
That could have been on our tee-shirt in English and Chinese!
Here are a few additional practices:
When someone says something that doesn't enhance the situation:
"THANK YOU FOR SHARING!"
Remember you don't have to get hooked on someone else's downward spiral "bait"
NOTICE YOUR LANGUAGE (body-language as well)
The downward spiral lives in our Language. We can enter or exit the world of Possibility entirely with the words that we speak, even with a single shrug, grimace or smile. Let's help our audiences enter the world of possibility not only with our playing, but also with our body language.
A woman I knew who was in Auschwitz during the war told me that when she went to Auschwitz she was 15 and her brother was 8.
Since the parents were nowhere (and never again) to be found, she was in charge. She noticed her brother had lost his shoes. "Why are so stupid, you idiotic child? Can't you keep your things together, for goodness sake?" she shouted. Normal, right?
Except, unfortunately, it was the last thing she ever said to her brother, because she didn't see him again.
When she got out of Auschwitz she made a vow. She told me herself. She said "when I got out of Auschwitz, I made a vow. I vowed that I would never say anything that couldn't stand as the last thing I ever say." Probably not possible to stick to, but certainly a possibility to live into!! Not a bad possibility to live into for our tour, wouldn't you say?
And remember POSSIBILITY IS ALWAYS ONLY ONE SENTENCE AWAY. (Roz Zander)
Finally,
THE AGREEMENT
For safety, legal and other reasons, you have been asked to sign an agreement concerning your behavior on the trip. Fundamental to that agreement is the assumption that if YOU break the agreement we will withdraw the privilege of the tour and send you home at your family's expense. That is a normal arrangement in all organizations and lives in the downward spiral of: "people cannot be trusted to behave responsibly unless they have a threat of some kind hanging over them". Most relationships between countries are based on that kind of formula.
In Possibility, it works quite differently. We trust that the value, purpose and pleasure of the trip and the musical demands made on you will draw you to behave responsibly and, of course, no one will be sent home. How can they be? We need every single one of you!
Does this mean that you can say: "Aha! We can break the rules, because no one will be sent home?"
No, it doesn't mean that at all. That comes from the world of the Downward Spiral.
DRUGS
THIS IS A CATEGORY OF ITS OWN. IT IS LIKE WHEN A SMALL CHILD TRIES TO CROSS THE ROAD IN HEAVY TRAFFIC. WE DON'T SIT AROUND DISCUSSING DOWNWARD SPIRAL VS POSSIBILITY THINKING!
Anyone who indulges in ANY kind of drug activity has forfeited his relationship with NEC Prep and that is the end of it. No further word on this subject is needed. Make sure you are clear about this before we leave.
ALCHOHOL
Since this is a high-school aged youth orchestra we have decided that the tour will be alcohol free. It doesn't matter if you drink at home or have permission from your parents to drink. On tour, high school aged students will not drink alchohol.
Out of courtesy and to simplify matters, college students of drinking age have promised not to drink alcohol in the presence of high school students. Moreover, since the demands of the tour schedule and the musical demands of this repertoire and twelve concerts are so great it is probably wise for college kids also avoid drinking for the seventeen days of the tour.
There are various other aspects of travel and living together which are pretty self-evident.
Considerateness, timeliness, courtesy, observing quiet at night, neatness and cleanliness, quiet attention in rehearsals, are all ways we can acknowledge each other. Grace and openheartedness are manifestations of possibility, just as are shining eyes.
If someone goes off track and "breaks a rule", you can think of it as the whole group going off-track. You have my permission, indeed I request that you come to me and tell me about it.
In the downward spiral it is called snitching; in Possibility it is called taking responsibility for the whole - naming yourself as the source of the enterprise.
Remember the example of Ozzie and his smoking. He wants to quit, we want him to quit; the world wants him to quit. His quitting is OUR project. It's not about the money - that is just a trivial incentive. It's about his future health and well-being and that is what is best for all of us. He desires our support. The same is true of any kind of behavior. If someone is "off-track" from the model of Possibility, it becomes our concern because it is OUR track and OUR tour.
We could step into the role of being representatives of this country, bringing possibility, dignity, open-heartedness and passion to the people of China, where there may be different assumptions about America. We will behave impeccably, not because otherwise we will be punished, but because our vision calls us to such behavior.
Stay Joyous. Stay Healthy. Help Dr Lee with his task.
I am very excited about the tour - excited about China, about you all, about the music making we will do, the great conversations we will have and the connections we will make.
I know it will be an extraordinary opportunity for personal growth and development for all of us and for the Chinese too. I know that our eyes will be shining. And "I have a dream" that their eyes will be shining too.
I cannot wait. See you at the airport on Tuesday morning. We may be flying before we get on a plane!
Much love to you all
Ben Zander |
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